Road Ennui

I must confess that I have a terrible temper. Sometimes I become angry at the littlest, most insignificant things. However, like a one-hit wonder or Michael Jordan's baseball career, my temper is not long-lived...especially if I'm decaffeinated at the time.

Yesterday, I found myself in the unusual position of working an earlier shift, and thus, my whole day (including my commute) started 90 minutes earlier than usual. Traffic is the number one reason I tend to work a later shift--the later I leave, the better it is.

Anyway, I ventured out to work at 6:30 am, taking my usual route. As I began to merge onto the freeway, the driver of the vehicle that ended up behind me honked his horn and turned his bright headlights on. That is to say, he turned them on, and he left them on until I changed lanes.

Lest you think I'm somehow in the wrong here, traffic was moving at a whopping 10 miles per hour, the entrance ramp lane was ending, there were at least three car lengths between the two vehicles where I merged, and I signaled before I made my move. What was this guy's problem?!

True to form, my temper flared for a few fleeting seconds. Then, as I shifted the angle of my rear view mirror to deflect the blinding lights, I thought, "It's weird that this guy is obviously so mad at me when, as far as I know, I did nothing wrong." At that point, all I could feel was boredom.

Then I came up with the greatest invention ever: The Ennui Marquee.

I FIND YOUR IRRATIONAL ANGER TIRESOME

Basically, my imaginary answer to rampant road rage would marry three of the greatest inventions of all time--the marquee, the horseless carriage, and automatic speech recognition software. A rational driver would respond to his fellow driver's expressed rage by speaking, as he normally would, and his words would be displayed on a marquee affixed to the top of the vehicle and spanning 360 degrees.

I firmly believe that if you combat fury with yawning indifference often enough, people eventually will realize the futility of their anger and give up.